Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
