I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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