Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
