Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
