I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
