Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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