just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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