it was like his penis was on wheels.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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