Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
