Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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