Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
