Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
