I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
