So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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