You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
