HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
