i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
