She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
