I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
