Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
