I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
