You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize