Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
