there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
