oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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