laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
