Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
