): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
