So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
