I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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