Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want nice things and good sex
The uberlube is also flammable
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize