According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
