That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
