So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
