Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
