I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
