Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
