I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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