apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't deserve a penis
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
