Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm too high and old for this...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize