If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
