i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
