I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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