she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to cum in my sink.
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