What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
