Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
