I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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