Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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