I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
