you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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