My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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