im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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