That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
