the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
