Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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