Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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