also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
