I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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