Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
