last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
