Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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