i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
