Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize