Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
