Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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