Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
