why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
