i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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